Across Syria & Inside Homs: The Age of Innocence

Monday, March 20, 2006

The Age of Innocence

Sheltered I was from the crule and unforgiving world we live in. Homs, Syria where I grew up, was a microorganism, in that tiny world everything was simple and straightforward, friendships were real and profound. Love was meant to be pure and unconditional. Girls were supposed to be loving, caring and romantic. streets were filthy yet welcoming, drinking coffee was to be arround lovedones.
Today I live in San Francisco, 5 years had passed since I moved to the states...it is a different world altogether. I feel that I am growing up once again!! Friendships come and go, love became a weakness, girls turned into expenisive dates, and streets are clean yet cold, and coffee is only to keep you alert..

Did individuality made the devil in us more prominent? is it only me who is reluctantly rediscovering the world around him? or am I just waving goodbye to the age of innocence?

In black: Wael, In white: Amr

23 Comments:

y are not alone ..it happens to most of us when we move to real life ..espichally when y start working in a consumer/factory system..when y become a no. in the system and y are supposed to be producing more products then buying them in your leisure time ..
it is when y know more people but y have less freinds..when y sleep thinking about yr future dead lines...what is happening is the struggle between the innocent child and the materialistic human supported by the surroundings.. ,each one trying to survive in each one of us ..at least y know what is going on..others dont..they turn into zombies...dont give up ;)

By Haider Droubi, at 3/20/2006 7:10 AM
I think the older we grow, the more we realize that life is not like we had imagined it to be. The dreams and fantasies we created in our heads start to fade not because we want to but because the reality of life starts knocking on our doors.
It is a "survival of the fittest" world, in which we have to at many times, hurt others to achieve what we want.
The older I grow, the more I believe that life is not like I had pictured it to be.
When we were young we had less responsibilities; in the past our decisions only affected ourselves; the older we grow the more and more our decisions have an effect on others...this in turn makes life much more complex than what we thought it would be.

We dreamt of love, that once we found the right person, our problems would be solved little did we know that a lot of times we had to make decision regarding love that tear our hearts out. We thought that Love was all about happiness; we thought it had no sadness and heartbreak.

Despite all of this; life is beautiful and I guess we still have a lot to learn and a lot to look forward to...
There is a beautiful French quotation which I will try to find and publish it for you to read. It talks about life in the eyes of a man.

I would like to take your opinion about marriage and what is it that makes a man be scared of commitment? I know it's a change of subject but I would like to know your opinion as an Arab man.
Thanks,
Lina

By Anonymous, at 3/20/2006 10:03 AM
It's an all-too-real aspect of mortal life that we look back on our pasts with a sort of nostalgia that allows us to appreciate what we thought was "innocence"--yet we never really have a desire to go back.

I live in San Francisco too!

By yaman, at 3/20/2006 1:57 PM
I wish you could meet all your friends :)

By aleppian, at 3/20/2006 2:41 PM
Haider,

your comment remindes me with Moroug's comment on one of your posts.

My intentions was to celebrate that lost age of innocence. Wael coming here to visit brought these days back to me....

Alepian, lina, yaman, thanks for the comments.

Yaman, Are you syrian?

Lina, Marriage is a very interesting topic especially in an individualist society.

By Amr T, at 3/20/2006 2:55 PM
Amr,

Yes, my parents are from Damascus. I am currently in Berkeley.

I've been following your blog, along with a number of other Syrian ones, for quite some time. I can't seem to remember how I found it though :)

By yaman, at 3/20/2006 7:57 PM
When I was younger, studying in school and university, I used to think that I am going to "conquor the world". I used to think that I am going to do great things. When I graduated and went into the real world, I realized that there are hundreds of thousands of people just like me.

Nevertheless, I am still an ambitious person, only with more reality.

By Hattori Hanzo, at 3/21/2006 1:17 AM
amr...i do understand that intention was to celebrate that lost age of innocence...what i am trying to do is not to consider it as a lost age ..it should last even at this time..at this age ..offcourse it becomes different but it should be there...

hope y get my point ...
amazing picture.it seems y both had fun ..hope we meet soon

By Haider Droubi, at 3/21/2006 3:46 AM
Amr,
This is a very nice photo...I'm glad that Wael's trip brought back some memories.

I hope you both enjoyed the time spent together.

Sarah

By Anonymous, at 3/21/2006 8:01 AM
I think i might be boring you men with my topic about marriage and commitment but I would really like to know what Arab men think about marriage in this day and age?

What makes them rudh towards or away from marriage? What are they afraid of?
As a woman that has been in a relationship with a man i love for 3 years, i would like to know what is that is making my boyfriend not want to get married?
What can women do to get closer to their men?

I would appreciate your feedback; give me examples from your personal life (if possible) or people you know or friends you have.
I look forward to reading your thoughts.
Lina

By Anonymous, at 3/21/2006 9:49 AM
Lina,I am Syrian, few points can help you ,most syrian men want girlfreinds to care about the relation ship more than each parties rule in it or their benifit from it commitment of a syrian man comes when he feels that his girlfreind care about him more than herself as he usualy has simmiler expetation of himself, he wants his family to axcept his relashinship and posible future wife and wants his family to be compatible with hers as we consider maraige and commitment is a relationship between two families and a good relashinship between the two families can go a long way ,as you can see family is more important to Syrian than indiveduals ,one more point Syrians usualy do not like divorce and will commit to a relashinship when they feel that it is for eternity,good luck to you , I am hapily married to an american girl for twenty one years and have four wonderfull children .

By norman, at 3/21/2006 6:51 PM
Lina,

ALthough marriage is not quite the subject of this post but since you insisted here is my two cents:

In my "Age of innocence" I viewed marriage as iternal bond, that makes husband and wife unite and turn into one intity. the husband/wife becomes "family", and just like we could fight or disagree with a family member that does not turn into bad blood. I though of it as a enterprise where for both husband and wife the union becomes the "person" that matters the most, in that system a sacrificing becomes a worthwhile investment and marrigae turn into stablity.

Today, and from what i noticed, marriage is all about personal satisfaction and one could bail out at any moment. in this system sacrifice becomes stupidity, becasue the union is fragile and is not remotly guranteed to last forever.

a wife could sacrifice her career and for a man only for the man to decide one day that he does not want that union anymore. and vise versa.

As such, and as for now, I would rather date over getting married, becasue i could only see marriage as a life-long partenrship where i am happy to sacrifice for the interest of that union. dating and marriage seems to be indifferent. i bail out whenever i please and it all about me.

Unless a miracle takes place, i will be dating forever.

cheers

By Amr T, at 3/21/2006 9:10 PM
Sarah,

OK, Now I know who you are. I heard a lot about you..good stuff for sure.

good to see you stop by.

By Amr T, at 3/22/2006 9:18 PM
sooner or later you were gonna get that doze of "cold" foreign world. But you're right. North America is colder than any other place. I share your experience. I moved from Lebanon a few years ago and I feel the sting of this icy world.
the grass in the front lawn and the backyard is fake like and articicial.
I miss home.

By Moussa, at 3/26/2006 5:42 PM
wow....these comments are soo facinating...and they are the corolary to my feelings about visiting syria and what that was like for me....
I am american...with syrian relatives in Damascus...i was there for a month last year, after not going there for years and years,since i was pre- "age of innocence". And i felt like i was falling in love with this place..for the first time...When people asked me why...and what i liked so much, i would say...Syria is full of conviviality...warmth...social life feels like the omnipresent pasttime...full of generosity and open hands. I felt more at home...than my whole life here...even though i am american!...that's crazy..to be a foreigner in your own country...but...i felt more love and caring from my relatives...than anyone around me in america. So..yes...i agree...the west is an "icy world"...where you meet so many...but to have close friends is sooo hard. Everything is transient. Artificial, yes. Image is the force more than the real substance of anything. Commitment unheard of. The meaning of Love suffers too, yes.

I am in favor....of holding onto our innocent dreams..transforming them..remembering them always...and using this recollection....to fill our life always with romantic possibility...and HOPE...that we can still do great things....as hattori wrote....I think we can be WISE instead of naive dreamers.....otherwise..what is the point of being alive...and striving here in this difficult world. With out that hope ...we will turn into cynical...deadened..people...old before our time. We can always have the chance to keep making our world anew...if we hold onto our inspirations and aspirations.

By Zenobia, at 3/31/2006 11:29 PM
Although I am not Syrian, I am Portuguese and I have much the same feeling about the 'west' world as compared to the world that I find whenever I travel to Portugal. Everyone is more caring, more convivial, more loyal... pretty indescribable.

As for marriage... I agree that it has become a very flimsy bond. When you commit to someone, you should be committing to try as hard as you can, to try fixing things when they are at their worst, to be there no matter what. Even if your feelings wane, it is about holding on and fanning the flame and bringing them back again. it is unconditional and unbreakable because you *choose* to be _with_ that person. that choice transcends love and passion for its a bond that is stronger than even those and will remain even when those come and go or change.

But no one thinks about those things these days.

Same goes for friendships. I'd do almost anything for my friends and for people I care about, yet these days many people tend to be selfish... but don't let me go into that, not *all* friends are selfish.

By Zya, at 4/03/2006 3:18 AM
life seems to be vague, cold at times.
things may look in a different way, different tone, and
we are always there watching ourselves growing old.
same routine, same streets, same people, but yet who are these people?
isn't weird that you can't really understand the closest people to u, but
wouldn't even be smarter if you try to purely understand yourself before understanding them? how far can you go with this one?.
innocence remain in the heart as long as you choose to keep it.
life manipulates our thoughts on daily basis,and thats what makes one person
unique in his/her own way.
i tell you this amr, enjoy every feeling you go through because it might
never come back again. It will make you enjoy and appreciate life and people around you in a better way. Enjoy them for in them you can fight for what you want and finally, how would u appreciate the warmth and love if you didn't go through loneliness?

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